HOW-TO GUIDE FOR YOUR FIRST TIME HAVING SAPPHIC SEX
So you've had sex with men your whole life, but realize you're bisexual, or at least definitely not completely straight. Now you're going to take a risk. Or, maybe you always knew you wanted to have sex with a woman, but the timing wasn't right. Maybe you are a lesbian who has never had sex. Regardless of your origin story, having gay sex for the first time can be very intimidating. There are few girl-on-girl sex scenes in the movies, and when they do exist, they usually leave out a lot of detail and cater to the male gaze. You're already lucky in school health class if you know what a dental dam is, let alone any education about sexuality other than penis-to-vaginal penetration. Lesbians around the world are constantly beset by an outrageous question: How do lesbians have sex? But in a society that demonizes homosexuality and female pleasure, it's easy to see why so many don't know what the answer to that question is.
So let me be your Sapphic Sex spiritual guide! welcome. I am glad you are here.
First First things: Relax.
People with female reproductive systems are patient creatures. Our bodies can be complex. Here's something everyone with a vagina knows. So chances are, if you're having sex with another clitoral master, regardless of their experience level, they'll understand if you need to slow down. You should take it slow, especially your first time. (I'll use her/her/her pronouns from here for convenience, but it's important to note that people with vaginas can be of any gender.)
Your first time should be to explore your partner's body, but also your own. Start with a kiss, a caress. Slowly move your fingers over her. Feel her arms, her waist, her thighs. Tangle yourself! near! There is no limit to how much kissing can happen on a broadcast. Even if you don't progress - you just kiss and go home - that's still an incredible fucking drug!
Patriarchy places sexual validity on penetration and ejaculation. Lesbians don't have these age-old restrictions. Sex is what you want, and every feeling can be meaningful and intimate. Sex has no specific blueprint or end goal. No foreplay + penetration + orgasm = sex. Everything comes together.
So you've been kissing and caressing, but you want to go a step further. Obviously boobs are a huge plus. You can hold them, rub them, massage them, kiss them, lick them, suck them, bite them. You can sandwich your face between them and enjoy the calm in a realm made entirely of soft, supple wonder.
After boobs, you have a lot of options. A lot of clitoral stimulation can happen on your pants or underwear before you're ready to go underneath. However, if you choose to do so, that's the next step. I remember the first time I had sex with a woman, we just lay together, each of us hugged each other's vulva, fingers gently in and out as we got wetter. Don't be in a hurry. Only do things that feel good about each other and that excite both of you. You can rub your clitoris and stick a finger into her vagina, maybe two, maybe three, maybe a whole fist if they like. You can play the female pleasure system like a violin, with one finger on the clitoris, one finger on the vagina, and the other inside or on the anus. Anal stimulation, even if it's just a light stroking outside, can be very pleasurable and sexy.
You can grab some toys and play with each other that way. A vibrator inside or on the clit, a dildo, a butt plug. A strap-on, a double-sided dildo. Maybe you want to bring some restraints into the mix and tie each other up. Maybe one of you is into choking and spanking.
Lesbianism is about giving and taking. You can please each other at the same time, or you can take turns doing different things for each other. Most of the time, politeness is that if your partner is doing unilateral sexual labor for you, then you will do it in whatever form they like afterward. It's not a specific counting system and needs to be tracked like a sporting event, but that's something to keep in mind. If someone has been doing all the work, they may start to feel bad. Everyone is different. Some wlw (women who love women) like it up, some like it down, and some like both. Some people just want to have sex with their partner and don't want to do anything to them in return. All preferences are valid but must be communicated with your partner.
If this is your first time, chances are you don't know what you like to do and what role you want to play in your bedroom. It's ok! This is a journey that will continue to evolve over time.
You don't need to know what you like to know what you want to try. While there is definitely a lack of positive and accurate representation of lesbians globally, I highly encourage you to watch lesbian porn before engaging in lesbian sex. I know this opinion can be controversial and scenes should be filmed with a grain of salt, but for me just being able to see how other women move their tongues or position their bodies for different sex gives me more confidence Try it yourself. If you've never seen gay sex in your life, it's hard to imagine its possibilities.
Finally: know that not everything needs to be done overnight. In heterosexuality, it usually ends after the penis owner ejaculates. It literally means "finished". Lesbian is the opposite - there is no definite ending, so it can be very brief or last for hours. Even if you both have orgasms, you can keep going. You can stop even if neither of you have an orgasm. I find it important to be vocal when I want to sleep as lesbian sex continues into the night. It's as simple as saying "I'm tired, can we hug?"
So to wrap up, my little gay prodigy: take it slow, communicate, and watch some porn. If you can, try to take the pressure off. No one is immediately amazing at sex when they first start. It’s something that takes practice and time. Getting to know any new sex partner's body and their preferences will always be a reset of sorts. That being said, gays are at a significant advantage. It’s easier to understand how to stimulate a clitoris when you have a clitoris. So the best homework I can give you is to masturbate and learn what makes your own body feel good!
Now go make me proud! I am so excited for you.